I love the movie Billy Madison. Adam Sandler has always been my favorite actor, and I love school. Win, win.
For the past few weeks, I’ve felt as if I’m part of the movie. I’ve headed back to school. Not necessarily to prove to my dad that I’m not a fool (let’s hope that I never have to give a speech about Geography) but I’ve been back at every grade (Preschool to High School) as a substitute teacher. I’m doing this until I start full-time teaching 9th grade in April.
I’ve loved substitute teaching, and have had many interesting moments. They may not beat Billy’s (nothing can quite trump getting an entire bus to pee their pants), but are extremely awkward. Here is a glimpse of a few moments in my past week as a substitute:
1.) In Preschool, I had to chase a girl who refused to get on the bus. It was below zero. I was wearing heels. The girl was also completely nonverbal but fast.
2.) In 2nd grade, I had a talk with a girl who was still traumatized that a boy tried to kiss her in Kindergarten. On the day I was subbing, that boy also confessed that he was in love with her to the entire class. I have a feeling Billy would have given far different advice than I did.
3.) A 6th grade teacher that I had subbed for earlier in the week said to me (in front of her entire class) “Ooo you’re the sub that they’ve been talking about! The boys think that you are so hot. They asked if they could put Purell in my water bottle to make me sick and get you to come back.” [This is extremely awkward for me to write, but I bring this up for the sheer creativity of that ploy. Who comes up with that?!]
4.) I had an 8th grade student who was named “Phat.” He was Vietnamese. However, he had also taken his namesake a bit too literally and wore pants that would make Eminem uncomfortable. He also addressed me “What up girl?”
5.) I overheard 8th graders in the lunchroom saying that the girl at the concert “had like 9 martinis.” I said a silent thank you that they are naive enough to know that a.) Martinis are never at concerts and b.) If this were true, the girl would no longer be standing.
My highlight of the week? I did not get lost. Not even once!