Part-Time Impatience

I’m patient about plenty of things. I can sit through a 3-hour lecture without texting. I can smile standing behind a mom who has coupons clipped for each of her hundred items. I can wait in the turning lane behind an elderly lady without flashing the finger. I’ve actually never once used my horn out of anger—its sole purpose is for me to beep at every person I remotely know.

But today I realized that I’m extremely impatient when it comes to simple things. I was on the elliptical, chewing gum, when I realized that the piece had long-lost its flavor. Did I walk the fifteen feet to the garbage can, or simply continue to chew? Nope. I swallowed it. This wouldn’t be cause for concern, but I realized it was actually my second piece of gum I’d swallowed today. And probably the 10th I’ve swallowed this week. I could fill an entire gumball machine with the amount I swallow per year.

I don’t believe I’m doomed to digestive problems because gum will stay in your stomach for 7 years [actually, I just don’t understand the science behind it, which results in my blissful ignorance on the subject]. But the realization did remind me of many other similar things where my patience runs slim.

I take my toast out before it pops. I sometimes surf between three (or six) channels. I don’t savor my Starbucks—I sip (more like slurp) it down in less than 2 minutes [No, it’s not too hot—Starbuck’s is actually too cold for me. I microwave my coffee right after it’s brewed—but that’s a whole ‘nother story]. I’m currently chewing  a Cream Saver.

Ultimately, I guess it’s better to be impatient about the petty and patient about the important. But man, it’d be nice not to suffer from scientific threats, enjoy perfectly crisp toast, and have untarnished taste buds. And, best of all, I would never have to run the risk of missing a moment of “The most dramatic rose ceremony ever” or other extremely important moments in the wonderful world of reality TV.

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