Job Swap

I don’t watch it often, but I thoroughly enjoy an occasional episode of “Wife Swap.”

I argue that it’s highly educational: You may as well swap it for a Sociology lecture. Plus, watching it makes me wonder: Where can they possibly find such ridiculous families? Unruly kids who firmly believe that Doritos and Cookie Dough are an adequate dinner and will duke it out with anyone who disagrees. A woman who believes that food is actually unnecessary and we can gain all our nourishment from “sun gazing.”

I watch and wonder: What would it be like to swap lives? Don’t get me wrong: I love my life. But I wouldn’t mind a little recess. Since I don’t exactly qualify for “Wife Swap” (considering I am unmarried and –hopefully–don’t have any significant personality flaws that make for gripping reality TV), I’d like to take a stab at a little version of “Job Swap.” Here’d be my prime picks [Note: I am well aware that some–most–of these jobs do not actually exist]:

1.) Professional grocery shopper. I probably spend more money on my grocery trips than the average family of 4. I’d practically pay to be a professional produce shopper. Which would, I know, completely defeat the purpose.

2.) Gossipist. I would love to pay to dig up dirt (on strangers, of course) for a living. US Weekly in the flesh, sans slander or suits.

3.) Matchmaker. This stems from another embarrassing reality TV obsession: The Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti is mean and pushy, yet she gets paid bundles AND chat up the richest of the rich. I wouldn’t want to deal with the rich and cocky guys–like one pro bball player who had a voice like the slo mo movie speaker and an even slower personality–I’d for a small town version: Bring on the overalls and missing teeth, and I’ll make you a match.

4.) Wedding Crasher. Who hasn’t dreamed of doing this after watching the movie?

5.) Disney Character. This has nothing to do with my love for Disney. I’d simply like to investigate just how many creepy Cinderellas, Belles, or Beasts get hired.

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