When it comes to Winter, I’m filled with faults. As I plunder through this crazy near record-breaking Blizzard (15 inches, nearly sub-zero temps, and nearly zero stores opened), I’m reminded of many of them:
1.) I am an awful parker. I may be from Chicago, but I am the polar opposite of most Windy City drivers: I have zero road rage, and zero parallel parking skills. You would think, thanks to my dad’s 250-hour pre-license driving requirement (seriously—I know 6AM driving wake-up calls and passenger seat clutches, believe me) that I would be a proficient parker—or at least pass. But no, I still rarely—if ever, am able to park inside the yellow lines on the first try. Hence why I park miles away in a mall lot.
2.) I do not dress appropriately for the weather. If it looks sunny and is sans snow, chances are I’ve probably considered running in shorts. You would have thought I had learned my lesson the first time…
3.) Considering I already had minor frostbite when I was in 8th grade because of my incapacity to dress for the weather. I thought it was too warm for gloves. Wrong. My snowy stupidity lead to a near frantic “My fingers are tingling, call 9-1-1!” (Ok, so I was in 8th grade, I was simply acting as expected for my age) Thanks to my ridiculousness, my hands lose all circulation the minute I step outside. And even still, I sometimes think I’m strong enough to step outside without gloves.
4.) I am extremely directionally challenged. My navigation skills are already significantly sketchy in sunny weather. Throw in some snow, and I’m similar to a seventy-five year old woman with Case in point: I got lost driving to Downtown Des Moines on Monday night. I was lost for 45 minutes. I’ve been to Downtown Des Moines far more than 45 times.
It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but, in my case, it should probably be time for hiberation.